Dear Merlin & Company
by EchoRose480
Summary: A Question and Answer forum for the characters of Merlin! Come on by, and inquire after any character you want to satiate your nerdy desires, and answer those questions eating away at your fangirl insides. Arthur: Satiate, that's a big word, Merlin! Merlin: Not as big as your nose.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, guys! So, here we have a brand new Question and Answer forum for everyone's favorite characters on…Merlin! Myself and Sent16 are now open for any and all questions that you guys may have for the characters, and we will answer them in a brand spanking interview form. :D For example:

…

**Dear Merlin (or Arthur, Gwen, Gaius, etc.), **

**Do you love butterflies? **

**Sincerely, (insert your name here).**

Merlin: Yes, yes I do. They're pretty. Shut up, Arthur. Next question. (Our answers will usually be more entertaining than this. ;) )

…**.**

Feel free to get creative and crazy with your questions, bearing in mind to keep things fairly clean and appropriate, and to consider my and Sent16's views on slash (meaning we would prefer no questions on Merthur. We may choose not to answer these, but, if we do, it will be according to our preferences regarding the subject. So, fair warning. :) ). Have fun!

Merlin: I'm waiting.

Arthur: Wake me when they come.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear Merlin and Arthur-****In the show, we only saw you truly hug once. Did you really only engage in the many act of bromantic embracing one time? In all those years you knew each other?!****Thanks!****Kyrah**

-Arthur: Well…this is awkward.

-Merlin: Does that answer your question, Kyrah?

-Arthur: Hey now! I hug.

-Merlin: Name once besides the swamp!

-Arthur: Uh…

-Merlin: Picking me up after the drocha didn't count.

-Arthur: Damn.

-Merlin: To answer your question, I suppose you would have to define exactly what constitutes as "bromance". If you count bruises and blood and broken teeth as evidence of this, than yes.

-Arthur: Merlin, it was horseplay. You're such a girl.

-Merlin: You're the one to talk, goldilocks. Just give me a hug, and prove me wrong.

-Arthur: This conversation is over.

* * *

**Dear...****  
****...****  
****...****  
****MERLIN.****  
****Yes.****Dear Merlin,****What colour are your socks?****Sincerely, the Sock Bandit.**

-Merlin: Wow. What an odd question. I like it! Umm…

-Arthur: Pink.

-Merlin: They're salmon, Arthur, _salmon_! How many times must we go over this?

-Arthur: Until you can prove to me that '_salmon' _isn't a shade of pink!

-Merlin: Gwen!

-Arthur: Ha! You can't do it by yourself, can you?

-Gwaine: I thought that salmon was a shade of orange…?

-Merlin: Stay out of this Gwaine!

-Gwen: You called Merlin? What's the matter?

-Merlin: What color are these?!

-Gwen: Umm…pink?

-Arthur: I love you so much.

-Merlin: They're salmon, damn it!

-Arthur: They certainly smell like salmon.

-Merlin: …I hate all of you.

* * *

**Dear Merlin,****Do you have any admirers in the castle? I mean, good looking man like you is bound to have some ladies after him.****Sincerely, Neva**

-Arthur: Why is Merlin getting all the questions?

-Merlin: Cause I'm the cute one.

-Gwaine: It's the ears.

-Arthur: Well, what does that make me?

-Gwen: My husband.

-Arthur: …fine.

-Merlin: Moving on…what a very interesting question, Neva...! Well…I…"

-Arthur: Be a man.

-Merlin: I'm just trying to think of a good answer!

-Arthur: Why don't you tell the truth!

-Merlin: I promised her I wouldn't!

-Arthur: …

-Gwen: …

-Merlin: I mean, uh…

-Elyan: Well, well, well! We've got ourselves a regular Casanova over here!

-Gwaine: I knew you had it in you, Merlin!

-Merlin: Next question please!

…..**Hmm...****Dear Merlin,****How close would you consider Arthur and yourself?****Sincerely,****  
****Cirruz**

-Merlin: Physically? About five feet. Intellectually, he's not even in my league. Emotionally, he named his horse "horse". Spiritually, the greatest cleansing Arthur has is his bath.

-Arthur: I think she meant regarding our friendship, _Mer_lin.

-Merlin: Oh! Well-

-Arthur: No! You can't be trusted.

-Merlin: Fine. Lead on, my great king.

-Arthur: Watch it. Ahem, hello my dear. First off, what lovely grammar skills you have.

-Merlin: Don't be a schmooze.

-Arthur: I'm not! I'm merely establishing a sense of familiarity and-

-Gwaine: Get on with it, Princess!

-Arthur: Fine, fine. Well! Of course, there is the…umm…residual, uh, _closeness_ that a-a-a-accompanies, er, certain p-professional, erm, bonds…

-Merlin: He loves me. Look, he's blushing so hard he can't speak.

-Gwaine: Aww!

-Arthur: Shut up!

-Merlin: His last wish was for me to hold him.

-Arthur: Was not!

-Gwaine: I think he's right, mate.

-Gwen: You do have night terrors, sometimes, when you scream his name…and cry…something along the lines of "Merlin! Don't die."

-Arthur: GWEN!

-Gwen: What? I thought we were supposed to be honest!

-Percival: They're like brothers, only, not.

-Merlin: Exactly!

-Arthur: Just end it now. Gwaine, give me your knife.

-Merlin: Oi! Hang on!

* * *

A/N: Sooooooooooo, whaddya think? Leave a review, and pop us a question! This was a collaborative piece between myself and Sent16! Check out her profile for some cutesy whumpsy stuff. XD


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear Merlin and Gang,**

**Gang- Surely you've all heard Merlin insult Arthur at least once. Which one was your favorite?**

**Merlin- What's your favorite insult against Arthur?**

**Sincerely, Cirruz the Night Elf**

* * *

Percival: I prefer the classics. Idiot, moron, etc.

Gwaine: I liked Bumpkin. Arthur stretching his creative mind a bit…

Leon: I actually prefer Merlin's insults. Like: toad, clotpole-

Elyan: Ooh, ooh, I like Dollop Head.

Merlin: That's my favorite, too!

Gwen: …I like Prat.

Arthur: Guinevere!

Gwen: What?

…**..**

**Dear Arthur,**

**Have you ever stuck up for Merlin when he wasn't around to see or hear it? And if so, have those people ever done whatever it was again to your knowledge?**

**Sincerely,**

**DragonflyonBreak**

* * *

Arthur: Well…there was this young lord.

Merlin: Arthur, we've discussed this, it's impossible for you to defend me from yourself.

Arthur: Shut up, Merlin, I wasn't talking about that. This was that distant cousin of mine.

Gwaine: The one with the freckles?

Arthur: Yes.

Gwaine: Oh, I hated him. And those orange spots. Evil, the both of them.

Arthur: Anyway, as I was saying: yes, I have. Freckle face wasn't treating Merlin in a way that I would deem…

Gwaine: Human?

Leon: Tolerable?

Arthur: Worthy of Camelot. So…I…did what was necessary.

Elyan: What'd you do?

Arthur: Please, Elyan, there's a lady present.

Merlin: Was that the one who left without his right thumb?

Arthur: That, Merlin, is none of your business. Just as you were none of his.

Merlin: Aww, that seems sweet…somehow.

Arthur: As for him doing it again…I sincerely doubt it. However, it would be near impossible without that one appendage.

Gwaine: Do you still have it?

Arthur: I may have buried it…or it may be over my mantelpiece.

Gwen: Is that what that is? Gross!

Gwaine: Sweet.

…..

**Dear Merlin,**

**Why did you never tell Gwaine *wink wink* about *whispers in his ear* your magic? Don't you think he wouldn't of cared?**

**Sincerely, Aerist.**

* * *

Gwaine: Wait…you were planning on telling me, but didn't? What the hell happened?

Merlin: Aerist, I appreciate the…furtiveness. Umm, well, he just seemed kinda preoccupied.

Gwaine: With what? I have no hobbies, I have no girlfriend, all I have is ale! And, even that runs dry.

Merlin: Well, you just got sort of, umm, obsessed with your knightly duties. You lost your spark there, for awhile.

Gwaine: My spark does Not. Get. Lost.

Arthur: It practically fizzled.

Merlin: Hey, like you're the one to talk, Arthur. You're the one who fizzled it.

Gwaine: Yeah!

Percival: Now, boys.

…

**Dear Kind Arthur and (all) knights,**

**Now that u know Merlin can defeat all of you and Morgana just by a wave of a hand or even just a look how das it make you feel? Will it change the way you feel about combat, swords, etc? And, how would you defeat Merlin?**

**Sincerely, Guest.**

* * *

Gwaine: …defeat Merlin…?

Arthur: Pff, who says he could defeat Morgana with a wave of his hand?

Merlin: Kilgarrah, the Druids, Fate, Destiny, The Universe, Gwen…

Arthur: Gwen?

Gwaine: Defeat Merlin?

Percival: Well, it can tend to wear at the masculinity of weapons, a little bit.

Elyan: It just wears away at your masculinity.

Percival: But not yours, Elyan. Because there's nothing to wear away at.

Leon: I'll get some ice for that burn.

Gwaine: Defeat Merlin?!

Arthur: I'm still wondering about Gwen!

Gwen: He is pretty powerful, Arthur. No offense, but in comparison to him…you're a grape.

Arthur: …That really hurts me, Gwen. That hurts me deep.

Gwaine: DEFEAT MERLIN?!

Percival: Guest, my dear, you are making Gwaine cry.

…**.**

**Dear, Gawaine,**

**Since the fact that you like apples seems to have really gotten into the hearts and minds of many of your fans - what's your favourite kind of apple? I won't go into gushy-how-do-you-get-your-hair-to-look-so-good-and-will-you-marry-me-stuff, cause, frankly, I bet a lot of other girls say that kind of stuff around you...**

**Sincerely, MyNameIsn'tRose**

* * *

Gwaine: I like the way you spelled my name, Rose-Me-Not. It's more sexy, somehow.

Merlin: Out of character.

Elyan: Gaaaaaaaaaaaawaine.

Gwaine: And please, don't hesitate with the gushy-how-do-you-get-your-hair-to-look-so-good-and-will-you-marry-me-stuff…It really does make my day. Aside from that, let me put it this way. I love apples, almost as much as I love you.

Arthur: Give me a damn break.

Gwaine: And by the way, red delicious are…delicious. I bet you're delicious.

Gwen: Don't you have a girlfriend or something you can practice on?

Merlin: Leon, got any more of that ice?

Gwaine: …I resent that.

…

**Dear Prat- I mean Arthur,**

**what was it like having donkey ears?**

**Sincerely, Neva**

* * *

Arthur: Did she just call me a prat?

Merlin: I think I'm in love.

Arthur: Oh, please.

Gwen: He was so cute as a donkey…

Gwaine: Pitiful, stubborn, stinky…so-called transformation!

Merlin: Ehehehehehe.

Arthur: I hate all of you. And, Neva, my cantankerous fangirl, the donkey ears were horrible. They itched, and…they stunk. They were…warm, and…soft.

Percival: Get a room.

Elyan: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh…ouch.

Merlin: I think we're almost out of ice.

Leon: I can make some more. Would you like to join me, Neva?

Merlin: She's mine.

….

**Dear all,**

**What are some of your most embarrassing moments?**

**Sincerely, jms675.**

* * *

Arthur: My business shall remain my business.

Merlin: Do I have to tell mine? Arthur seems rather unwilling…I could step in.

Percival: Cowards.

Elyan: Fine, than what's your most embarrassing moment, Percy?

Percival: I once kissed a girl…who turned out not to be a girl.

Elyan: …

Merlin: Damn…

Leon: My humiliation seems so petty now.

Gwen: I once farted in front of the entire court. Does that count?

Arthur: You fart beautifully, darling.

Merlin: Blech.

Gwaine: How many would you like, jms? Two or twenty?

Merlin: Twenty-two.

Gwaine: Funny, that's how old I was when-

Arthur: NO!

….

**Dear Arthur,**

**Has Gwaine ever gotten you drunk? If so what funny crap did you do?**

**- Bubba**

* * *

Gwaine: Oh, oh, I like you.

Merlin: Ehehehehe...Bubba…

Arthur: Well, there were these butterflies one time.

Merlin: Bubba…buuubb…A.

Elyan: Blubba.

Arthur: I believe I was shouting something along the lines of, "Go…be free" wasn't it?

Merlin: Go, be Blubba. BlubBlubBlubBlubBlub.

Elyan: Bubbaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Arthur: I'm telling a story!

Percival: My apologies…My Bubba.

Leon: Bubbub…blublublublublublub…Bubba.

Arthur: Stop it!

Merlin: Everybody do da Bubba!

Gwaine: BUBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Arthur: I give up…

Gwen: …_bubba_…


	4. Chapter 4

Kiki1770:

XD That was hilarious! I want to take a crack at asking a question.

Dear Merlin and Arthur,  
If you were competing to make the most women fall for you, who would win?  
I vote Merlin!  
Kiki1770

**Merlin: Arthur**

**Arthur: Correct**

**Gwaine: Why is that?**

**Merlin: The majority of women are more easily swooned by cliché good looks and forced bravado than emotional depth and intelligence.**

**Arthur: Exactly.**

…

MyLifeAsAli1:

Dear Arthur and crew,  
What exactly does rat taste like? Is it stringy, swampy, etc.?  
-Ali

**Arthur: Arthur and Crew…now that sounds nice.**

**Merlin: How bout, Arthur the Shrew?**

**Gwaine: Cows go moo?**

**Arthur: To answer your question, it tastes vile, the food equivalent of Gwaine's theories on romancing.**

**Percival: Owwy…**

**Merlin: Ehehehe…*cough***

…**..**

Rachelle Lo:

Very funny!  
Okay, I have one:

Dear Gwen,  
Have you ever told Arthur about the time you kissed a dark-haired manservant with a liking of neckerchiefs? You two were so cute together! Ah, well, that's the past. I'll keep the recipient anonymous in case you haven't told Arthur.

Sincerely,  
R Lo

**Arthur: Oh, this one's subtle.**

**Gwen: Yes, I did tell him, Rachelle, and it was quite likely one of the most singularly unpleasant confessions of my life.**

**Merlin: I don't know whether to be offended or flattered by that.**

**Arthur: Neither, you should be simply be not in the room.**

…**.**

Quartz:

These are great!

Dear Merlin,  
Do you like chocolate? DO YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE!?  
Sincerely,  
Quartz

**Merlin: What daft person doesn't like chocolate?**

**Arthur: I don't like chocolate.**

**Merlin: Case and point!**

…**..**

neva-chanluvsmonsters101:

Dear prat, Gwen, and cutie- I mean Merlin,  
yes, Arthur, I did just call you a prat. but only because I was a bit tired and couldn't be bothered to write out 'your royal prattishness, prince Dollophead'.  
Gwen, you must have a lot of...interesting stories to tell about the men. care to share a few?  
Merlin, when you get the chance, what do you do in your spare time?  
sincerely,  
Neva

**Merlin: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! F-F-F-Free time? **_**Spare time?**_** I…I can't **_**breathe!**_

**Arthur: Why does everybody hate me so much?! Even when I'm being apologized to, it's an insult.**

**Merlin: Because you're an ass, and everyone knows it.**

**Gwen: Well, I do have a lot of interesting stories, however, they wouldn't be appropriate to utter in present company…**

**Elyan: What is that supposed to mean…?**

**Gwen: But since you asked so nicely!**

**Merlin: Oh, no.**

**Gwen: There was this time, not too long ago, when Arthur-**

**Arthur: What a surprise!**

**Gwen: Hush. Anyways, Arthur decided it was high time we discussed having children. But, he didn't quite know how. So one day, he approached me, with a bouquet of wilting flowers, and said, "Time's running short, let's fill it with our abundance."**

**Merlin: ...**

**Leon: Sire.**

**Gwaine: Oh, good lord…that's, that's uncanny. That's just…utterly asinine. What on earth could you possibly have been thinking?!**

**Arthur: I was trying to be poetic!**

**Gwaine: You basically told her she was getting old!**

**Merlin: I…I can't…I don't…**

….

Alligates:

Oh lol the Bubba/Blubba nonsense is making me die XD  
I have another question! I hope that's okay...?  
Well. :D

Dear Merlin,

Has anyone ever cut themselves on your majestic cheekbones?

Sincerely, Alligates

**Merlin: Yes, yes they have.**

**Arthur: And they have also been shaded by your enormous ears…**

…..

Aerist:

Lol that was hilariously awesome I couldn't stop laughing very clever well done so I have another question Arthur do you seriously think merlin is in the tavern all the time Gwaine constantly wants him to go but he won't , and hes such a light build he would never be able to hold his ale , how thick do you have to be *eye roll*

**Arthur: I might as well just die. Everyone hates me…**

**Gwaine: I love you, Princess!**

**Arthur: …Once again, everyone hates me.**

**Merlin: Why does everyone think I'm such a light build? I'm like six feet tall and I'm not **_**that**_** skinny! And what's with all these stories about me being malnourished? I'm a grown man and I can hold my ale, damn it!**

**Arthur: I did seriously think he went to the tavern all the time, because no one ever found it appropriate to tell me where he really was! *Glares***

**Merlin: Pain of death!**

**Arthur: Still! All these teenaged girls despise me because all of my friends decided it would be best to cultivate my ignorance, rather than **_**ever **_**tell me **_**anything**_** at all **_**ever**_**. *Gets up and leaves***

**Merlin: He has a point…**

….

DragonflyonBreak:

XD Oh gosh! Thank you so much for answering my question - that was the most hysterical thing I've ever read - I almost choked on my Cadberry Egg when I read that the guys thumb may be on his mantelpiece. XD

Mm. Now for dear Sir Leon...

Leon,

You're a knight. And I believe you're Arthur's second in command, correct? And if so, then it's safe to say that you know Arthur pretty well... when did you first begin to realize that Arthur really, truly enjoyed having Merlin around and was beginning to rely on him? And knowing this, during those early years before Gwaine or Lancelot or the others were knights, did you ever go out of your way to make sure Merlin was safe during a battle, by protecting him or having other knights keep an eye on him?

Sincerely,

DragonflyonBreak

**Leon: Wow, this is the first question directed at me…I feel ill equipped…**

**Merlin: Just feel it as you go along!**

**Leon: Okay, umm…Well, I could tell right away that Merlin was going to have a special impact on Arthur. It was obvious almost immediately that Arthur enjoyed having Merlin around, at first as someone to verbally abuse and then as a companion, but I suppose I first noticed his true reliance on him when he casually asked Merlin to be his spotter when he was practicing situps with his legs on the edge of a hayloft…I don't know, it just hit me as a point of trust. As for when Merlin came into battles with us, it was my natural instinct to protect the most vulnerable of all of us, though Merlin always seemed able to handle himself. I wouldn't say I ever went out of my way, exactly, but there were a few times when I found myself keeping a special eye out for him…but at that point, he was a virtual stranger to me.**

**Merlin: I'm touched.**

**Leon: *cringes and smiles***


End file.
